dancing with the curtains

I LOVE when the curtains dance on the breeze in the hot weather......I didn't realize just how comforting that is to me until today..........I feel as if Ive lost someone.......no fancy words for that...it just is what it is...........you know when you can be standing right next to someone, yet feel a thousand miles away from them..........when you've always looked to someone for comfort......someone you know you can always rely on............and you turn.....and after 28 years they've gotten tired of who they are............and you re not sure who you are without them?..........setting off a chain reaction..........a bond between people that was soooo tight, so unbreakable.........the only way it would unravel would be if someone inside lets go..............well......someone let go.......................................and after 2 days of daydreaming of better times with this person, the curtains caught my eye...........memories of being younger...dust floating in rays of sunshine........and that breeze........that one little breeze you needed so bad at that one moment....the curtains dance, move like ocean waves..........I feel like a child again..the feeling not completely describable.............that flutter in your chest...........everything safe and new.......I watched my son stare at the window...........and in that instant I realized..........I loved this person with child's eyes.........he was perfect as he was.......no faults..........never changing................maybe it was time to let go of that......................maybe it was OK to unravel.....now its my turn..........to be strong for my son..........as he was strong for me..........maybe now its my turn to weave my son in where my father just left off??????..........................

theres a mouse in the house

So we have a furry friend living with us..........he has a pink nose and long whiskers and just the thought of him makes me jump up on my couch and get out heavy socks........I am totally freaked.........every article and DIY site is telling me when there is one there is many..........when it rains it pours....no different than any other problem in life I guess.....needless to say if I could walk on stilts I SWEAR I would be............I keep trying to convince myself it's a mouse.......but we all know it's a GIANT sewer rat......I'm sure one that's been showcased on the history channel's monsterquest............I really never pray, but tonight I will pray to every being possible just to let me sleep without getting tickled by 8 inch whiskers....YUCK

For some insane reason I have decided to write again......vent and get all of this crazy stuff out there into the universe.....and also because I have not one friend over the age of 3 anymore.....Today Ive been trying to wrap my head around just when Ive lost all these "friends" of mine.........I cant for some reason remember how or when, or why for that matter I was abandoned......deemed ultimately uncool....unable to feel comfortable in the arena of 30-40 something year old losers with no jobs or meaning I once thought were the center of the universe......I guess I became an unreliable confidant.........there one day but I guess Ive never been dedicated enough to be there every day after.......but oh well that's how I run my life.........one day I may think of you as the most important thing in my world and the next I encompass myself in something else........food.....gardening........painting.......anything I can be addicted to I am drawn to.....oh and by the way I haven't been able to sleep in for 2 years now.........you always hear about the having kids and not sleeping thing.....but you don't realize you're shoving every sweet loaded calorie into your mouth while taping your eyelids open just to make sure your kid doesn't chop a finger off............or a foot.............so you end up alone........huge and tired..........but oh yeah it's worth it.....you have to throw that in there or risk looking like a terrible parent..maybe someday someone will grow the balls it takes to tell the truth? maybe?