scrambled eggs

Ive decided to write this anonymously..........as I hope a handful that read it will read it as a story and not a diary of sorts......I'm sure at least a few people can afford to delve into it......become enraptured in my mistakes............my thoughts and obsessions..........I'm sure it will take a while for me to trust this........to freely write what one feels.......to make a commitment.....to invite others to peer inside......whether your pretending to be someone else or not...........I hate to be vulnerable........so in that sense maybe once I can have that trust, I will write my name............who I really am, my label......if by that time I myself had figured that out...........today like yesterday and the day before seems horrendously long.....Ive spent most of my last few weeks wondering about things to big for me to comprehend...they started as small thoughts and got bigger and bigger until I tried so hard to wrap my mind around them, they grew so large I had no option but to think some things are just to big for us.........they faded in and out....in one instant I could feel a chill like after all this thinking I had solved some of life's greatest mysteries, and one second later I was staring into dark space grasping for the fleeting thoughts... friends that had died yet may still be living in other dimensions..........scrambled thoughts........is dying like a dream? is it black and empty?.................we are truly a speck in the universe yet we've created a society where certain people reign higher than others..........but says who? who's to say I HAVE to listen to anyone................you are all human just like me.........what makes your rules the ones I need to follow?.......and they say this is all to create order, a "civilized" society..........well my friend if you call this place civilized send me somewhere that's not............everyone has a label....an ailment, a medication.......maybe because most of us are just to close to figuring this shit out? ..............